I couldn’t settle on a title…so I went with both. And both seem to fit – you’ll figure out why in a minute. Warning: it’s a little long.
For the most part things on the homefront are still the same. Good days with bad days mixed in. Some weeks it’s bad days with good days mixed in. But, I’ve decided that’s probably just the way it goes at this point.
Things are picking up pace around here, and the hecticness of our life seems to compound the bad days. I think I just start to feel more disconnected (we are still struggling to connect anyway. More accurately, I am struggling to connect) from Hub when we are passing each other on the road (he is heading home from coaching while I am heading to the school for a practice or a meeting). It’s kind of like I said from the beginning, married life (especially married with kids) is difficult enough. Don’t add to it by having an affair!
BUT – my husband did…and here we sit.
I mentioned early on in my blogging that my brother had cheated on my (now ex-) sister-in-law. His cheating didn’t stop…hence the now ex- part. I don’t hold anything against her – in fact my entire family has a great relationship with her (whereas we haven’t spoken to my brother in several months). The failings are all on my brother. She wanted a marriage and family. He wants easy sex.
So…if you are ready for a complicated story hang on, because here it comes.
While my brother was married to my (ex-) sister-in-law he cheated on her with a woman I’ll call Jean. Jean ended up pregnant. My brother confessed his affair, boo-hooed, went to counseling, and my brother and sister-in-law ended up back together. We thought all was well.
Five years go by and my sister-in-law throws him out. He had told her he was still cheating on her, so I don’t blame her. Obviously, he wasn’t willing to work on the marriage.
He immediately moved in with Megan (the woman he was cheating on my sister-in-law with). My sister-in-law filed for divorce. They have been in court for 2 years – the divorce was just finalized 2 weeks ago. He hasn’t kept up on his child support for the three kids he has with her, or the one he has with Jean. I’m not happy with his choices. I just keep saying “this is not how we were raised”.
Last night as I was sitting at the football field I got a text from my sister. “Check your ‘hidden’ Facebook messages. I just found one from Megan that she sent me on Monday.”
We’ve never met Megan or talked to Megan. The only thing we know about her is that our brother moved in with her after my sister-in-law kicked him out.
I checked my Facebook messages and sure enough, I had one too.
“Hi, you don’t know me but I’ve been in a relationship with your brother for almost 2 years. I know you probably haven’t heard from him because he’s too chicken, but he took off with a girl named *Lola Davis. She’s 24, and 12 years his junior. They left together last Tuesday and abandoned all their belongings and pets. His car was also impounded a few weeks ago and he never got it out. As far as I know they’ve been staying in a hotel in *San Jose, technically, they’re homeless. I haven’t heard from him since last Wednesday. He also hasn’t paid child support for (Jean’s daughter) for sometime and when he goes to court next month there’s a chance he’ll go to jail. This seems to be his pattern though. Once a cheating, lying bastard, always a cheating lying bastard.”
Let’s start with the first title of my post: “It Gets Old”.
It Gets Old. As in, my brother’s behavior is getting old. As in, his wake of destruction is getting old. As in, hearing about affairs every time I turn around is getting old. I’m tired of hearing about affairs. I’m tired of this being common place. I’m tired of people throwing around the affair conversation, like they are talking about the weather. There may very well be someone you are talking to who is going through this very thing!! HUSH! They don’t want to hear it!! It’s all over “news” feeds, trending topics, in water cooler conversations, and songs….and ENOUGH!!!!!!
Words of advice:
- if you are a married man having an affair – put your penis back in your pants, go home and either file for divorce or FIX your marriage, but do not be a selfish coward & keep both women on the hook!!
- if you are a married woman having an affair – put on your bra & big girl panties & deal with real life the way grown women do. Either file for divorce or FIX your marriage! MAKE A DECISION!!
- if you are a single man or single woman having an affair with a married person – wow. You have high relationship goals don’t you? Think about that for just a minute – then get dressed, walk out the door & don’t look back. Want better for yourself.
- if you are a person talking about the latest affair you just heard about – DON’T. There is probably a person standing near you who is dealing with it personally – they DON’T want to hear it!
Now…on the second title: “How NOT To Behave If You Are The Other Woman”.
How Not To Behave If You Are The Other Woman. Shall I just make notes in her message? Yes…I think that will be easier.
Hi, you don’t know me but I’ve been in a relationship with your brother for almost 2 years. Nice to meet you, I guess. I don’t know what to say to that. Anyhow, since he’s only been divorced 2 weeks, that means he was cheating with you when he was married. In other words…you were willing to start a relationship with a man who was lying and cheating?? Perhaps you should set your sights a little higher? I know you probably haven’t heard from him because he’s too chicken, but he took off with a girl named *Lola Davis. No, as a matter of fact, I haven’t heard from him. But, then again, I didn’t hear from him much after my sister-in-law kicked him out. I chalk it up to embarrassment…but, yeah chicken probably works too. Either way, you seem surprised he “ran off” with another woman. Refer to response #1. She’s 24, and 12 years his junior. I’m not sure age matters so much when people are willing to be immoral. But, you seem concerned. Personally, I’d be more concerned that he was probably having sex with her while he was living with you. Go get tested. He probably gave you an STD. Seriously. They left together last Tuesday and abandoned all their belongings and pets. Again. You seem shocked. He essentially walked out on his wife and 3 kids to shack up with you. Yeah, you could argue she threw him out, but he had already walked out, emotionally. However, if you are that concerned with his abandoned items and pets my suggestion is to sell his stuff & give his pets away to a good home. Use the money to buy something pretty. Like a new septum ring. His car was also impounded a few weeks ago and he never got it out. Now, that I actually did know. My sister-in-law told my mom. The towing company will take it to auction. It’ll be ok. As far as I know they’ve been staying in a hotel in *San Jose, technically, they’re homeless. I’m shocked they have the money to pay for a hotel, but then again I don’t know anything about Lola. Maybe she has a good job! Good for her! I haven’t heard from him since last Wednesday. Well, you’ve got me beat. He also hasn’t paid child support for (Jean’s daughter) for sometime and when he goes to court next month there’s a chance he’ll go to jail. So, what you are telling me is, not only did you start a relationship with a man knowing he was married with children, but you were also well aware of the fact that he had another child from another affair?? And, that not only does he not physically or emotionally support his family, he doesn’t support them financially either?? None of that bothered you before now???? So far your moral compass isn’t registering due north either. But, yes, we are all aware he hasn’t kept up on his support. And, perhaps he will go to jail, however he is probably also aware that jails are overcrowded, and therefore won’t be there long. They will release him, in order to keep some of the more “dangerous” criminals. Either way, he dug his own hole. Someday it will catch up with him. This seems to be his pattern though. Well, it took you a while to catch on, but I’m glad you finally did. Hopefully, you’ll be a little more discerning with the next relationship. Once a cheating, lying bastard, always a cheating lying bastard.” Well, I personally think people can change, if they want to. The problem is, he doesn’t want to. So, for him, this may be true. What I’d like to know however is what you hoped to accomplish by sending this.
1). He is a grown man. What would you like me to do?
2). I don’t even live there. So again, what would you like me to do?
3). Do you feel better?
4). If you ever contact my mother again, we will have words. She did not raise her son this way, but he is still her son. His choices are hurting her. Don’t add to that.
Anywho…that’s the latest from this corner of the world.