Saturday it hit me. The weight of this affair hit me full force. It was February 8th. Our 17 year wedding anniversary would be less than 1 month away.
He texted me almost all morning while he was at work. How sorry he was he ruined our family. How he knew it was going to take work but he wanted to repair it. About how he loved me.
After work he went to talk to the man from our church. I didn’t hear from him for the rest of the day.
Sunday morning I went to church.
By that afternoon I hadn’t heard from him.
Something in my gut told me to try to hack in to one of his instant messenger apps from my phone.
And suddenly I could see he was chatting with someone.
I couldn’t see what he was saying to her, but I could see what she was saying to him.
How she was madly, deeply, in love with him. And if she was right, he felt the same way. That it’s miserable to be in a loveless marriage and that I would find someone who would make me happy, just like they had found each other. That he shouldn’t stay for the kids – they would be fine. Kids always are. And why wasn’t he replying?
When I logged on it kicked him off. So he couldn’t see what she was saying.
I was furious.
I called him.
And I straight up asked him, “Who’s MC?”
So he told me. She was a woman he met online, playing poker.
I asked him where she was from. He told me. Maryland.
I asked him if he went to see her when he was on his trip. He didn’t go to Maryland, but they did meet up in New Jersey. They shared a hotel. They played poker.
I didn’t need to know anything else. I was livid.
He said he was breaking it off with her. She was trying to convince him not to.
By this time I was throwing things, screaming & swearing at him.
I’ve never been as mad in my entire life as I was that afternoon & night.
He said he wanted to come over and talk but he wanted to bring over the man from the church too. I told him to do what he wanted, but I didn’t have anything else to say to him. I hung up.
About 45 minutes later I was washing dishes when Hub and the man from the church walked in. Hub walked up behind me and tried to put his arms around me. Everything inside me went in to high gear and I screamed at him, “Don’t touch me!”. The hurt in his eyes as he walked away was deep. But I didn’t care.
The man from the church asked me to sit down. So, I did. Only because I have great respect for him. Not because I wanted to listen to anything Hub had to say.
The man from the church started. He told me that Hub had immediately called him and explained the situation to him. The man told Hub to come over. On the way there, Hub called off work. Once Hub got to the man’s house, he looked at Hub and said “Is there ANYTHING else you need to tell me?…AND DON’T YOU DARE LIE TO ME.” Now, this man is a large man who doesn’t take any monkey business. He would scare anyone straight. Hub told him the story.
Hub said the affair from 2012 was starting to eat him up. He had contemplated suicide a couple of times, but didn’t want to leave our kids that way. He met this woman online about that time.
I screamed at him for what was probably 45 minutes. About how messed up it is to leave your wife and children and shack up in a hotel room with someone! To have some fabulous vacation with someone who is not your wife, while your wife is raising your kids, shoveling snow and washing dishes by hand (the dishwasher & snow blower were both broken) and getting stuck in several inches of snow! I screamed at him about how I had felt sorry for him on Friday but now I didn’t. And then I told him I had no problem letting him be with her, because I was done. THIS is NOT what I signed up for!
He sat there.
He took every single word.
The man from the church asked me to trust him…not Hub, but him. That he felt very strongly that Hub was being sincere. That he was ending that relationship and that he did want our marriage to work. But now it was up to me.
So I sat.
And I thought.
I had a list of “requirements”. If those were not agreed to and completed in a timely manner I would contact my attorney. I also told him the damage to our marriage was severe. This was going to take time. As in years. And lots of hard work.
He was in for whatever it took, he said.
Immediately he handed me his cell phone. He asked me to look through it. He had deleted all apps, contacts & anything that had to do with both S & M. He told me I could have access to his phone at any time. He was going to be an open book. He was tired of the lies. He wanted us.
He prayed for us.
He hugged me, kissed my forehead and left.
That night we texted most of the night. Talking about the hurt and how we were going to get through this.