Some of what I wrote to S applies to you. Some doesn’t.
Although my husband views you as an extension of his disastrous affair with S, I view you as separate from her, because you are, in fact, a separate person.
How did it make you feel to be on vacation (a vacation I unknowing paid for, by the way) with a man who left his wife & children in the middle of a snow storm? Is that really the kind of man you want to be with? A man who shucks his responsibilities, his wife & his children for a mistress in another state? Don’t you want better for yourself?
What did you expect to happen? Did you expect him to move to the east coast to be with you? Or were you planning on moving here to be with him?
And how did you expect that first meeting with his parents to go? “Mom, this is the woman I left my wife for. This is M. She’s from Maryland. I met her online playing poker. She’s the one I went on vacation to see during the snow storm. She’s the reason you had to help my wife with the kids while I was gone. Isn’t that great?” Wow – what a first impression that would have made.
And what did you expect to happen with my kids? After a winter of my kids seeing me miss work to take care of them during stomach flues and snow days, going to work full time the other days, shoveling snow, washing dishes by hand, cooking meals, carting them to games & practices, helping with homework, doing laundry, seeing my heartache & my tears, knowing he left US…do you really think those two kids would accept you once they realized WE endured all that because of you?
I know you tried to convince him to stay with you. I read the Kik message.
And you know what? I tried to convince him to stay with you too. I told him to stay with you. Because I don’t want a man like that in my life.
I called him every name I could think of. I screamed at him. I screamed at him on the phone when I found out about you. Then he came over and I screamed at him in person. And I screamed at him in front of his friend. I told him the weekend away I had booked for us in April, could be for you guys. Because I didn’t want it with him.
But he didn’t want to be that man anymore. He hated that man.
And he didn’t want you. He wanted me.
I know you’ve text’d him. He’s shown me.
I know you’ve used other phone numbers to try to contact him. (FYI – that screams desperate…and boarder line crazy).
I know you’ve left him voice mails. He’s played them for me.
Maybe he told you we had a loveless marriage. I don’t know.
And maybe he really did tell you he didn’t see a future with us.
Did he tell you why?
Did he tell you he cheated on me in 2012? Did he tell you he was afraid I was going to leave him once he knew? Did he tell you he was afraid to be alone?
You were his consolation prize.
“I’m going to lose everything & this is all I deserve.” Yep. That was you.
When you try to contact him it sickens him. When you text him or leave him a voice mail he wants to vomit. He doesn’t want to talk to you or hear from you. Please, leave him alone. Please, leave us alone.
I don’t know anything about you. Other than your first name is M, your screen name is M____C_____, you live in Maryland, you are in your 30’s & that you have something to do with volleyball. Oh, yeah, and that you play poker.
Were you married?
Even if you weren’t, you still knew he was.
Do you value marriage that little? Do you value it so little as to destroy one? Possibly two?
Do you value yourself that little? So little as to be “the other woman”, rather than demanding you be the only woman?
Do you have kids? If you do, is this what you want for your son or daughter?
Did you ever think about what it might do to me, his wife?
Did you ever think about the two little children in the other part of the country? I know you knew about them.
I feel sorry for you.
I feel sorry for you because you allowed yourself to fall for a married man. A man who didn’t love you back.
A man who left you.
And I know how it feels to be left.
But the man who left you is not the same man who left me.
The man who left me was cold, distant, selfish, and cruel. That was the man you got.
The man who left you was the man I’ve known for 20 years. That man you’ve never known. He is warm, tender, gentle, giving, funny, compassionate, a great friend, husband, and father.
I’m sorry your dad has cancer. I’m sorry you miss your “best friend” during this time. But that “best friend” wasn’t the man you thought he was. He was a lie.
I do pray for you from time to time. I typically pray for S more often (just because she’s in my face), but I do pray for you as well.
I pray you will be blessed in your life. I pray I can completely forgive you. I pray no one does this to you. I pray that the brokenness inside you would heal.
Blessings to you, M.