Journal Entry – February 25, 2014

I noticed in copying this journal entry over that I didn’t just write out my losses that day, but also my fears.  Please excuse the messiness of some of my journal entries…my head was (and some days still is) a mess.

____________________________________

The losses I am grieving:

  1. the loss of purity between us
  2. the loss of trust
  3. the loss of my idea of who I thought he was (that I thought he would never do anything like that)
  4. that we aren’t like other couples
  5. that I have a pain I can’t talk about with anyone – that I suffer in silence – the loneliness
  6. the loss of time
  7. the loss of money
  8. wondering how much of the past 17 years has been a lie
  9. the loss of understanding
  10. not knowing how to rebuild or what our future looks like
  11. the loss of my heart – it will never be the same again
  12. the fear of the generational curse upon our family
  13. the constant nagging questions – am I really who he wants? will he do this again? 
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