Journal Entry – March 14, 2014

This has destroyed me mentally, emotionally and even spiritually.  

I cannot imagine anything more torturous.  I wonder nearly everyday if I will survive this.  Honestly, being left by him was much less painful than being cheated on, the questions that swirl in my head over it, the pain that stabs my heart, the memories that have been replaced with me feeling like it’s all been fake.  All these years I felt like my life was real and not some show – now I wonder if it has been just for show and I was too blind to see.  

And now I feel like it’s a show for sure – I’m walking around as a half of a person pretending all is well – all the while I feel empty.

I would have followed him anywhere…and I guess I have – I just didn’t want to follow him here.  I never expected this.  I never thought he would be the kind of man who could or would do this.  I wouldn’t have ever married a man I thought was capable of such a cold-hearted, cruel thing.  

But…here I sit – trying to figure out each day how to make it to the next day.  

I feel myself withdrawing from others – especially him.  Not that I want to really…but it’s safer this way I guess.  If you let people in they will hurt you.  

I know that now.  I’m the only one I can trust with me – with my own heart – to protect me.   

 

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2 thoughts on “Journal Entry – March 14, 2014

  1. I think my journal entries could match these almost exactly. Comforting to me and helps me know I am not alone. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing them. If I went back and read my journal right now, I think it would take me backwards for awhile. Be careful with yourself, okay?

    Like

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