Ugh!

How come every time I feel like it’s a good day,  I’m forgiving, I’m the bigger person, ya da, ya da, ya da…boom! I see HER and suddenly that all goes out the window and and I want to strangle the living daylights out of her?!?!
So much for being the bigger person.
Lord, help me.  Please.

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5 thoughts on “Ugh!

  1. You are because I bet you didn’t. But just because you forgive or don’t put a hurt on a bitch I don’t see that as being the bigger person.

    IMO it’s in those descriptions that divide as a people worse, better, strong, bigger, weaker which puts expectations on each other and when we are disappointed we have a reason f.e. I wasn’t strong enough, I can be the bigger person.

    You are amazing and seeing her is hurtful. Seriously if you didn’t lose your cool it would seem almost inhuman.

    You are a wife who has been hurt by two people, 1 who made a covenant to God with you.

    I think this whole affair business is something we will struggle with all of our lives now. Not that it will control us but something we have to be aware of forever to make sure it doesn’t send us over the deep end.

    We know the sting lessens, but we never know how bad the sting will be when we come up against sin, Satan, and our feelings about those who choose to hurt.

    You are amazing, growing in Christ, the same grace you want to give G and maybe her, focus on giving grace to you today ❤ ❤

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    1. Thank you. Maybe you are right. Maybe this is something I will struggle with all my life. Part of me keeps thinking if I could just move so I didn’t have to live in the same neighborhood as her, maybe it would go away. But, then I realize this affair is still going to be here. It’s still going to be part of me – no matter where I live.

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  2. Yeah mine is in the same neighborhood as well. I super wish I could see her, but either she is GPS’ing me or because I wish for it, it isn’t happening. It’s kind of like I hope someone would try to rob me. Because I truly will make what they think a good day bad. Or please try and break in my home seriously all of us will make a robber/robbers regret they ever stepped in the door..

    Not like I want to do harm, but I’m prepared to see that broad again. In fact I look forward to it? Know why? Because I’m not like her. I don’t have to have shame on my shoulder.

    She is an adulterer always will be. She may not be participating in the act but she is one and I’m not.

    I don’t sleep around, I don’t pretend friendships, I’m as real as a person can get. Her? Ahhhh… well I’m not better, bigger, or stronger but I know I don’t carry shame like her and my husband does.

    I know she hides when she sees me and I would too if I were her. And sometimes I feel super sorry for her. You have to be really messed up in the head to do what she did and her husband knows it too.

    We don’t have to move Regen, we don’t have to cower, yeah seeing them stings but the pain will lessen because we will choose that, heck I still drive the car they banged, had oral and the like in, we still sleep in the same room they got it on in twice. Same house, same man, same air, same world.

    Affairs blow no matter same town, next door neighbor, everything is different now. The neighborhood you live in, hell there are awesome things about your neighborhood and if there isn’t I know at least 2 things. You are there and so is your family.

    BAM!! Insta-AWESOME 🙂 right there.

    Make no mistake we are where we are supposed to be. Sin and this fallen world aren’t taking away the joy that stands in our hearts. Not in our relationship with our husbands they don’t make us or break us. They can hurt us yes, but we are not destroyed dear Regen.

    Like your title hell we are survivors wounded for sure but breathing. I am getting what PW, BrokenJoan, Kelly and Paula in our blogosphere have been trying to tell me. There is life and it is abundant.

    I refuse to drown oh and Regen it burns. My chest burns and I have to make a choice whether I’m going to harden my heart, suppress, take the reigns and swim, drown in depression, or float in pursuing my relationship with Christ.

    Because that’s the only thing I can try for and I know I will succeed in. My husband, my kids, their love is so fleeting. Even my own heart and feelings.

    It isn’t easy. That uneasy feeling especially when I want to deck M in the face. But those days are almost so far behind me, which makes me wonder what bullshit is he going to do next.

    But rest assured whatever he can do or dish I can take. I just hate that I second guess myself and worry I won’t be able to take the heart break again.

    Please remember though this is just my journey how I’m seeing things right now.

    I teeter so much on amazing confidence then crazy madness very quickly in this drama called Nothate’s infidelity 🙂

    Remember everything is new today. You know the verse his mercies are new everyday?
    Lamentation 3-22-23

    It’s true. It’s the only way I can drive the same car, be in the same house, be with the same husband.

    New mercies everyday Regen.

    Everyday is a new day, new experiences even with bad memories. God can even make those things good. I didn’t understand how He could, but it’s true He has shown me a bit. Not a whole bunch, but it’s crazy.

    M’s affair does not poision my house, my cars, my heart. I let that happen. I choose to drown in the hurt and refuse to swim. I choose to pursue worldly things. What are neighborhoods, houses, cars? Worldly possessions just bullshit things that if they were all gone I’d still be amazing and you would be too. I make these wordly possessions light up through God. This home awesome to me because I was blessed with this place, this neighborhood as well. God put me here for a reason, to pursue Christ and light up other’s world through his love. Because I can be one scorned woman! LOL! Seriously if I focus on those two things. M and his AP a limited event in our unlimited life Regen.

    The hurtful people who did us wrong? What are they to us. Who are these AP’s and what purpose do they have in our life. We pray for them, but that’s as far as I’ve gotten too. Because sometimes I get caught up in daydreaming about beating her ass down M’s too. I mean I do equal punishment here 🙂
    But then I catch myself and say Nothate what the fuck are we doing?

    Thinking about stupid things. I’m sure there is someone we can bless, make smile and love on and make our life and someone else’s life brighter. I have 4 of them staring at me consistently 🙂

    Well that’s what I’ve been doing it’s been working so far.
    You are a wonderful sister in Christ Regen keep your head up the next time you see her. Not because you are better, or bigger, but because you know who you are even if you don’t feel like it.

    You are fearfully and wonderfully made. A daughter of the King who is blessed and loved by her family, her blogging sisters, and our God

    ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

    Help me out though pray for me because I'm in an insanely decent mood and I'm trying to not be skeptic and wonder when the gavel is going to fall again.

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    1. Nothate you just wrote a FABULOUS post! You should seriously copy it and put it on your page for all the world to read!
      I know exactly what you mean about teetering between confidence and madness. I feel the exact same way and often wonder when I will find the consistency I crave.
      You can bet I will be praying for you. I pray for many in our little world and honestly have thought that in the real world many of us would probably be wonderful friends.
      Hugs to you sweet sister! Have an amazing Thursday!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You both help me so much! I am so thankful for my cyber sisters! Keep posting! What are the names of the blogs you mentioned nottohate?? I am seperated from my WS and am entirely alone trying to deal with this.

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