To Know or Not?

I don’t know how unique my situation is.  My D-day started with him confessing – not me confronting, as I tend to read about.  Although, I did confront him during the course of our D-weekend.

In his words, he confessed ‘because of the guilt and wanting things to work between us’.  I think there is a thread of truth to that – but like I said, I did have to confront him less than 48 hours later because I found evidence there was more to the story.  So, anyway….I take it with a grain of salt.

Anyway, (now to the point of this post) I have often wondered if I’m better off by knowing about his adultery, or if I would have been better off by not knowing.

At the beginning I used to feel like he should have kept his scummy secret to himself – I didn’t need to be burdened by his load of guilt and shame.  Why shatter my world?  Just tell me you want to work on our marriage, work on it & let it be.

However, I think I am glad I know.  Don’t misunderstand me.  I hate knowing about his sexual encounters, what he’s done, and what was done against me.  BUT – I do know…and I have survived.  On days when I was sure I would die from the crushing emotional pain, I didn’t!  And, although we’re having to fight tooth and nail for this, now I know we are rebuilding on truth.

After all, what would have happened if we did rebuild & 7 years from now I found out about his infidelity?  Our rebuilding would have been on a “false foundation” so to speak.  Would we have stood up to the storm?  Hard to say.

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One thought on “To Know or Not?

  1. I wish I’d never found out, I truly do. Altho I know if I hadn’t found out, my husband would still be texting the whore constantly, might even have restarted the affair with her, who knows. Am I glad I found out? Absolutely not altho I am grateful that finding out seems to have brought my husband to his senses, and reminded us what each other means to us. Whether the pain I am now in is worth that, some days, I really don’t know 😦

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