Crushes Cause Crushes

One of my concerns since I found out about my husband’s affairs has been my daughter…but probably not what you are thinking right now.

Yes – I am concerned what her relationship with her dad will look like if/when she eventually knows the truth.  But, my biggest concern has been how I will guide her through her teen and young adult years as she begins to date.

She’s 11, so I know that time is approach more quickly than I would like.

Many of her friends have already had boyfriends.  I have encouraged her (for the past couple years) to avoid this, feeling like she needed to be a kid and learn to navigate through friendships first.

Now that she’s in middle school I’ve “parented” less and allowed her to grow more, while I gently guide her.

Last night she let me know she now has a “crush”.  I’m not really surprised.  She is at that age.  They aren’t boyfriend/girlfriend.  She has assured me they are just friends, but she likes him.

As she talked to me last night about this crush and relationships I was amazed by my outward calm, yet inner storm.

I wanted so badly to tell her to avoid boys.  I wanted to tell her to avoid men as she gets older.

They will break your heart.  They will lie to you.  They will hurt you.

I wanted to tell her crushes lead to crushed hearts.

I wanted to tell her as she gets older and the time comes, don’t date.

And for the love of all things, don’t ever get married.

But, how do I say that?

How do I say that, when I am married?

To a man who shattered my heart.  Her father.

Yes, I’m hurting.  Yes, I know I will heal.  But, only because time and time again other women who have been betrayed by their men have told me, that they healed, so I will too.

But, I don’t ever want her to feel this.  I don’t ever want my baby to hurt like I have and still do.

It’s cruel.

And although the pain will eventually heal, I know I will never fully trust anyone again.

And oddly, that has been one of the most difficult things for me through this.

My innocence, even as an adult, was stolen from me.

And as much as I want to trust someone again, I know I just can’t.  It’s not that I don’t want to.  It’s that I’m unable.

And I don’t want her to know how heartbreaking it is to know you will never trust anyone again.

I’m coming to a time when I can’t protect her anymore.

And the worst part is, the pain of heartbreak is the worst break of them all.

I could do my best to protect her from broken bones when she was little.  But a broken heart is completely outside of my control.  No matter what I say or do.

It’s a shame we can’t wrap hearts (and trust) in bubble wrap.


4 thoughts on “Crushes Cause Crushes

  1. I so much feel your pain. My daughter is nineteen, knows about her father’s affair and is dating. Away at college! My best advice to you is not to teach her what men are or aren’t, but to teach her who SHE is. Tell her to trust her instincts, listen to her gut. Know what she wants out of life, and someday find a man who is willing to partner with her to achieve that. To avoid any man that wants her to subjugate her goals, dreams, desires, etc for his. Teach her how to get back up when she falls down. Teach her how to get back up and kick ass when she gets PUSHED down. And she will, eventually. Teach her how to keep her faith in a world with so little. Teach her the importance of communication, expressing her needs in an effective way, and most of all how to set strong boundaries. Teach her that good people make mistakes….and it’s okay to forgive them. Bad people make mistakes, and it’s ok to walk out of their lives without a backward glance.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You will trust again. When we are in the storm it’s hard to see. But if we keep our eyes on Jesus He will guide us through. Praying for your heart and for God’s hand to be upon you while you heal.

    Liked by 1 person

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