As I’m working my way through this process of affair recovery I’ve realized:

  1. I don’t know what I’m doing
  2. No one else knows what they are doing either
  3. We are the blind leading the blind
  4. Occasionally someone gets recovery right
  5. I’m trying to find those people

Ok – so I’m partly kidding…which means I’m partly not.

But, in all honesty I have discovered a couple of things about myself this week:

  1. I have trouble living in the present
  2. I need to be more thankful

I’ve known for a couple of years I have trouble living in the present.  Typically, I spend too much time living in the future (I’m a planner).  I plan out details to everything.  What I’m going to wear to an event 3 months from now, what I’m going to make for dinner next Friday, conversations I will (but most likely won’t) have with people, and even how my kids will pose for Senior pictures (um…hello….2021 & 2023 graduation dates).   What’s wrong with me?

But since the affair…or should I say since D-day(s) I find myself living in the past (and still trying to plan out the future).  For instance he behaved this way then, he said that, he went there, we did this, did he mean what he said, why did he do that then, did I do this….you get my drift.

Whether I’m planning dinner for next National Bird Day (which yes, is a holiday in January…remember, I’m still looking for new holidays to celebrate) or thinking about what was said to me by my Hub during the time of his affair(s), I’m not HERE.  I have to learn how to live in the present.

One of the ways I think I can do that is by becoming more thankful.  By looking for things to be thankful for I think that will help me to focus on being present in the present (pun intended).

So, I’ve decided to look for 3 things each day to be thankful for.  And although 3 may not sound like a lot to most people, now it feels like a lot for me.

So here are my first 3 things I’m grateful for:

  1. The man who has been helping us since D-day recently found out he has cancer.  Today they found out it is not in his bones!  Very thankful for that!  Right now it looks like a surgery will take care of it.
  2. My daughter.  Who is like a young adult, very mature for her age.  She’s a wonderful person, great listener, and driven.  She keeps me pushing forward.
  3. My son.  The clown.  Keeps me laughing.  Big hearted.  Always knows when his mommy is feeling down.  First one to give me a hug.

I hope you discover something new about yourself this week as well.



3 thoughts on “Realizations

  1. It’s so hard to live in the present, but I try to not worry about tomorrow. Read a great post recently about how God is not just the God of the future but the present as well. If we operate with the notion that He knows everything and operates from the future backwards, sometimes it’s a little easier to grasp. Blogging is therapeutic and your posts are beautiful and heart felt. God bless your recovery!!

    Liked by 1 person

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