This morning as I sat down to write my “3 Thankfuls”, I had to stop.  I couldn’t get past the first one.

I needed to pray.

My stomach began to churn.

You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach?

That.  It was that feeling.

So I prayed.

I prayed specifically for my husband.

Something seems “off”.

He seems distant.

I finally feel like I am healing and coming to a place a peace (I say coming to place of peace because I know that some days I have peaceful days and other days I struggle, but I am having more peaceful days that struggling days).

But I’m finally ready to say “ok, I’m in, let’s do this.”  And, it seems as though he has backed away.

So, I wonder…what happens in the mind of the betrayer around the 7th – 8th month?

Has he grown weary of my emotionally flooding?

Tired of my need to be with him or to know what is going on?

Has he decided this isn’t what he wants?

Or does something happen in the mind of the betrayer during this time that we (the betrayed) don’t know about?

He tends to keep it all in.

He doesn’t share.

So I don’t know.

But I know I miss him.


6 thoughts on “Distant

    1. Only he can answer that. I’ve had so many ups and downs myself, they’ve all run together and I don’t remember what it felt like at that specific time. I will say that sometimes I did get weary. There were times when I shut down emotionally. There were times when I felt sorry for myself. There were times when there were too many triggers and despite myself I missed my AP. There were also times when the enormity of what I’d done was too much to face. Like I said, only he can answer that. He has to trust you in order to answer that. He may be feeling very vulnerable and feel like he can’t trust anyone right now because he’s expecting condemnation and pain. I don’t know, but these are all things I’ve struggled with these last 18 months.


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