I mentioned a couple of weeks ago I was trying a couple of new recovery helps. I thought it may be beneficial to someone if I reviewed those two items.
I purchased the book Surviving an Affair by Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr & Dr. Jennifer Harley Chalmers. I
am still reading have read about 3/4 of the book. I think I’m done…at least for now. It started off as a great read. But I’m finding that I disagree with some of the book. Here’s why:
- The authors of the book recommend telling people (family and friends) about the affair. And I understand the idea of accountability. However, what would be the benefit to me telling my family (parents & siblings) about my Hub’s affair? Why make those relationships more difficult to heal? And why would I tell my friends who have divorced their cheating husbands? Can’t you already guess what they are going to say? Personally, I think each individual/couple needs to evaluate who to tell. This is not a one size fits all solution, as I feel the book tries to make it.
- I also find it difficult to carry out some of the ideas. Perhaps it wouldn’t be as difficult if we were doing the book together but doing it as an individual…ummm hard. But honestly I think this would be tough to start just from reading the book alone. These would be easier to carry out under the guidance of a counselor. I understand the reasons for some of those ideas though.
- The authors also have included a few questionnaires in the book. One of these questionnaires in particular deals primarily with personal history (educational history, dating history, marital history, sexual history, childhood history, medical history, etc…). I suppose in some cases this would be beneficial, however, after being with someone for over 20 years I found that questionnaire to be ridiculous and not helpful in affair recovery.
I also participated in the First Steps Boot Camp. It was 7 days and is now complete. I found it extremely helpful! What I didn’t like was the sell for the groups. I understand they would be helpful and I agree marriage is priceless…However dropping $495 in the aftermath of an affair when bills have racked up is a hard pill to swallow. So I didn’t. I stopped after the 7th day. And honestly, I may repeat this boot camp every month or as needed as I continue to heal.