A few weeks ago I mentioned my best friend. Her ex-husband cheated on her repeatedly so she divorced him. Remember me mentioning her?
Anyway, I stopped to see her this past weekend. It was the day of her ex-husband’s wedding.
That got me thinking about him and his new bride.
It seems there are 1 of three possible scenarios here:
- she doesn’t know he cheated multiple times on his ex-wife
- she knows but thinks he’ll never do it to her
- he is truly reformed
If he is reformed:
Why wouldn’t he reform himself for his ex-wife who wanted to be married to him? She was willing to make it work.
Was something wrong with her (in his eyes)?
I know now she is happily married to a new man, but my heart was secretly breaking:
- For her…because I can’t help but think that somewhere deep inside she might still love him at least a little bit. I mean, after being with someone for 10+ years, how do you just not love them anymore? I don’t know. Maybe you can.
- For the marriage…even though we’ve all grieved the loss of that marriage, and even though my friend is now remarried and would never leave her current husband, it’s like this was the final nail in the coffin.
- For him…because I wonder if on his wedding day to his new bride if he remembered the promises he made and broke to his first wife – my friend. I wonder how it made him feel.
- For his new bride…because I wonder if she’s living in the shadow of my friend. And I still wonder, will he cheat on her too?
My husband seemed irritated by the fact that I was bothered by his wedding. And to be honest…it bothered me that I was bothered by it…and it bothered me that my husband was irritated by it.
Anyway, during my visit my friend asked me how things were going at home. I told her I have this constant fear that he doesn’t really love me or that he will do it again (although she doesn’t know for a fact that he cheated – she just suspects) and I’m just wasting my time. She said “this is your family. It’s never a waste of time.”
These words come from a woman who was raised by parents who “stayed together for the kids”…and the kids knew it. She wishes her parents wouldn’t have done that. But, to hear her say these words to me, caused me to stop and think.
As long as I’m doing what I need to do for this marriage and my children, it will never be a waste of time.
If he decides in 5 or 10 years to leave again or if he cheats again, then he will show his true self. And I will have been wrong all along in saying he was a good person who made a bad choice. And my fear of looking like a fool for taking him back really won’t happen at all. Because he will show himself to be a fool. He will have rejected a woman who wanted to make the marriage work.
If this marriage does work, then the tears have been worth it. And our children will see that marriage is hard, but maybe they will be better prepared for the reality of marriage, rather than the storybook many people think it will be.
So, I won’t stay with him for the kids.
I will stay with him because I still believe that is what God wants me to do.
Because this is my family.
And it’s never a waste of time.