Peppered For Who?

I found out last night D-day(s) was peppered with lies.

I’m not sure how I feel right now.

Why would he pepper it with lies?

Was it to protect me?  If my protection had been paramount we wouldn’t have a D-day.

Was it for self preservation?  Cowardice?  Fear?

Was it to protect M?

I’m not even mad.

I’m hurt.

I’m disappointed.

I feel like a fool. I feel used. I feel cheap.

But I’m mostly numb.

Numb is a feeling I’ve come to enjoy while it lasts.

Will this be what breaks us or will we survive this?

Only God knows.

And only time will tell.

~RH

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4 thoughts on “Peppered For Who?

  1. I am so so sorry. It is often the case. Now is the time to decide what you need. Be selfish. Take time to really let the lies settle and see where it leaves you. Remember that during the affair fog, they make lots and lots of stupid decisions, and one is to not tell the whole truth on d day. Trickle truth is so, so damaging, but they rationalize it with saying they didn’t want to hurt you more. Thinking of you, and hoping that when the numbness ends, that you are ready to move forward.

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  2. UGH… I remember clearly on D Day telling my husband to tell me everything there was no know because I was as low as I was ever gonna get and I had absolutely zero intention of climbing out of that hole more than once. For the most part I believe he did, but then what do I know? Lets just say I haven’t come across any evidence to the contrary but the mistrusting soul in me tells me constantly to be on the look out for it. I’m sorry you have been thrown back into the hole. My heart bleeds for you as you attempt to climb back out xx

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  3. Your heart will change its mind a thousand times. My heart is heavy and breaking for you. When I say ‘I understand’, sadly, I REALLY do understand as so do many others who read/write these blogs in our sad sad sisterhood. Have been praying for you since I first read this. I am so so sorry.

    Like

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