Scared

Hub’s home today.

Sick.

I’m scared.

Does he have any idea that every time he’s home alone I’m scared out of my mind?

Doubt it.

In two weeks I will leaving for 72 hours.

The kids will be there for most of that.  But it still scares me.

I think part of the reason I’m scared now is because I know that Stacey is home right around the corner.

If he were vomiting maybe I wouldn’t be so scared.

But he has a sore throat.  That’s a little tough to prove.

I know at some point I’m going to have trust.  At some point I’m going to bury these fears.  But, when does that happen?

Apparently, not today.

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10 thoughts on “Scared

  1. Have you told him how you feel? There’s at least some things he can do build trust while home alone, but he probably won’t do them if he doesn’t know what you’re feeling.

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  2. No. I haven’t. And that falls on me. I should. However…(yes – here comes my excuse…and one that probably deserves it’s own post) I feel like my “statute of limitations” has run out. When I cry he seems to get mad. When I express a fear he seems to get mad. And it seems to be an “I’m watching you cry & now I’m uncomfortable so I’m leaving the room” mad.
    Oh – so you’re mad because I’m crying that you had affairs & that makes you uncomfortable. Oh – excuse me…let me go hide somewhere so you’re not uncomfortable about how your affairs hurt me….STILL. (end rant)
    So – no…I haven’t. And I probably won’t because I’m tired of feeling like (yes…I really want to swear right here but I won’t) poo because of HIS affairs.
    I’m (yes I want to swear again) darned if I do & darned if I don’t. If I mention something he’s mad, I’m upset, and then the kids are all up in arms. If I just keep it to myself then it stays right there. No harm. No foul.
    Our relationship made a lot of progress in first few months. Somewhere along the way progress halted…and slide back. A year after D-day we are nowhere near that couple…but instead more closely resemble friendly roommates.

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  3. There is no statute of limitations on this. I wouldn’t be surprised if my wife still cried every once in a while 10 years from now. It’s always going to hurt when she thinks about what I did, just as I’m sure it will always hurt for you. I know you know this, but it needs to be said that he’s the one who is wrong here, not you. It’s not because of what he did a year ago, it’s because of how he’s treating you now. Is counseling/therapy off the table?

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      1. That’s unfortunate. My wife and I stopped going after a while because we agreed it was not helping, but it was a mutual agreement and we continued going to our individual counselors. Are you getting or have you gotten individual counselling separate from marriage counseling? (Sorry if I’ve already asked before)

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  4. Two part answer (lol):
    1) we actually went to marriage counseling after his first affair (although I had no idea he had an affair). He requested we go to counseling so of course, I said yes. He still hid the affair. After about 6 months the counselor said he thought we were great (one of those couples that “has it all”) and he didn’t see why we needed to continue, but to call him if we needed him. Once I found out he hid the first affair during counseling and then proceeded to have another kind of left a bad taste in my mouth – not so much for the counseling or the counselor, but just that he could request it, sit through it, say all the right things but then go on about life without any regard for me or our marriage.
    2) I attended individual counseling (for about 6 months total) – before learning of his affairs and continued on after. He is a great Christian counselor – I have no issues with him. I didn’t feel it was helping anymore, on top of which he told me I was doing remarkably well (and insurance was due to run out – I’m only allowed so many visits per calendar year according to insurance). So – I stopped going.
    If he were to tell me he wanted to go to marriage counseling again I would agree, however I brought it up once and was shot down – not going there again.

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    1. You get out of counselling what you put in. If he wasn’t being truthful, then it’s no wonder the counselor wasn’t able to help. I think your reaction is pretty understandable. He took what should have been a benefit to your marriage and corrupted it by hiding what he had done and going on to do it again. I think that says a lot about where he was at the time. Do you think he blames the counselor for the failure to fix the marriage or does he realize his part in that?

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      1. No – I don’t think he blames the counselor. I’m pretty sure he knows it ended up being a colossal waste of time for us as a couple. Although…he’s never said one way or the other. I do remember yelling about that too once I found out about the affairs – and he seemed to agree that he blew that one. Although, I have wondered if he somehow hoped the counselor would see through his crap and call him out on it. Perhaps he thought the counselor was in possession of a crystal ball and he was hoping to get caught then. I just don’t know what he was thinking at the time.

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      2. Sometimes cheaters want to be caught because as much as they love what they’re doing and don’t want to stop, they also hate it (and themselves) and desperately want someone or somwthing to stop them. I don’t know if that describes your husband or not, but it might explain things.
        Did he give a reason why he didn’t want to go to marriage counseling?

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