Bananas and Time

Bananas.

You can eat them plain.

Or slice them up for cereal.

Or wait a couple of days for them to soften and make banana bread.

Then you can eat the banana bread hot with butter.

Or cold without.

Or…if you wait too long the bananas go bad and must be thrown away.

Our days are like that.

I can do what I want with today.

I can live it plain.  Going to work and doing my usual hum-drum of life.

I can add a little change to the day by maybe having lunch with a friend.

Or wait until the last-minute and finally pull of something amazing with my day.

Or the day can go by.  Untouched.  Wasted.  And thrown away.

Of course in all of these scenarios we can always have regrets.

‘There’s only one banana left.  Do I want it now or do I want to wait & make banana bread?’

‘If I go to lunch with my friend today I can’t run the errands I need to run until tomorrow.’

Of course once the day is spent (once the banana is gone), it’s gone forever.  Written in your history book.  Never to be changed.

My history book has over 13,000 days in it.  Some of those have regrets.  Not all.  Honestly, I don’t know how many do.

Regret #1.  I regret having sex before I was married.  Yes – that is at the top because it was probably the first thing I ever did that I regret and also because it is my biggest regret.  To be completely honest I’m not sure I would have married my husband if I hadn’t had sex with him before marriage.

Which leads to my first question:

Is regret #2 marrying my husband?

If I wouldn’t have married my husband he wouldn’t have crushed my heart. (SCORE 1 for regret)

But, I also wouldn’t have my 2 wonderful children.  (SUBTRACT 2 from the regret column).

Regret #3.  Not going away to college.  I graduated from college in the same city I grew up in.  I wish I would have spread my wings more when I was younger.  Figured out who I was at an earlier age.  But obviously, it’s more affordable when you live in the same city as the University.  I do thank the Lord for that!  Ok – that is a wash.

Regret #4.  Working when my kids were little.  I love my career.  It’s stressful some days, but I do like it.  But, I wish I had stayed at home to raise my babies.  Now they are 10 and 11 and don’t need me at home because they are at school (and after trying to do E-school over the weekend to make up for snow days I can say homeschooling wouldn’t work for us).

Regret #5.  Allowing my husband to move back home when I did.  I think we should have been separated for a while longer.  Initially it seemed like a good idea, as we were having a difficult time trying to find time to talk to work things out.  Him moving back in seemed like the logical solution.  Now – I wish I would have been harder.  Pushed him back more.  Made him fight harder for me.  Sound selfish and prideful?  I’m afraid so, but it’s truthful.

Regret #6.  Not being a witch when I needed to be.  I should have never given my husband the freedom for a vacation in Atlantic City when he told me he was stressed and needed time away.  I should have never helped him chose his hotel – as this ended up being the hotel he & MistiCutie stayed in.  I should have been a witch and put my foot down and said “No.  You’re not going on vacation.  Suck it up and deal with life like the rest of us!”

Regret #7.  Not knowing how to stop the hurt from overflowing to the rest of my life.  I fear my hurt is somehow driving a bigger wedge between us.  It feels like my fault.  I know my personality has changed.

Regret #8.  They’ve won.  Because my personality has changed they have won.  I don’t regret ever being carefree, naïve, and crazy in love with the man of my dreams 5 years ago.  I regret that is gone.

~RH

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