Journal Entry – February 3, 2015

Yesterday I heard some interesting facts about our brains.

Now I’m not sure exactly how much of this true, but it made sense to me – especially in relation to D-day…and as I approach the anniversary of D-day.

The info said that when something traumatic happens to us our brain takes something like snapshots of the event, our surroundings, etc…and catalogs it for future reference.  Then when something from a “snapshot” comes up again it triggers something like an alarm to prepare us for another traumatic event.

This must be why I can remember every detail of D-day weekend as if it happened 5 minutes ago!

I remember going to work, going to get a massage, getting Chinese food, and finding out about S while I was eating my beef with broccoli and pork fried rice.  I remember sitting at the kitchen table.  I remember the drive to my parents to pick up the kids later that night.

I remember taking a shower the next morning and something happened when I stepped out of the shower.  That’s when the reality of D-day hit me.  I remember the text message I received from Hub about that same time.

I remember Sunday – the day I hacked into Hub’s messaging app and caught him messaging M.  I remember the earrings I was wearing that day.  I remember screaming at him – lots that day.  I remember doing dishes when he walked in the house and he wanted to talk to me after I told him I was done with our marriage.  I remember what chair I sat in when I screamed at him.  I know the exact spot on the floor we stood when he hugged me.

And in the few days that followed I remember missing work, staying in bed, crying, him kneeling by the bed talking to me when he came to the house, holding my hand at our daughter’s basketball games, the look in eyes, the tone of his voice…

and so maybe there is actually a good reason for it all being burned in to my brain.

Maybe I’m not going crazy.

Maybe that really is all supposed to be there, to alert me, in case of another time of danger.

So, thank You God, that my brain works just as You designed.  You are good.  Amen.


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