Decision and Revelation

Well, after discussing our next course of action (do we contact S and M to inform them I now have an STD or not) we have decided not to contact them.

Hub does not want to speak with either of them, nor does he want me to speak with them (which is probably best right now as this thrown me backwards emotionally).

As we talked he essentially said he’s done with them and doesn’t want to open the door to contact.  He figures they have probably passed it on to others by now anyway (not that this reasoning makes it any better – I’m just telling you what he said) and right now his focus is on me & my health and they can fend for themselves.

I told him I feel like I have a moral obligation to inform them and he said “no – you don’t have an obligation to them for anything.  It’s done and I’m done with them.”

In a strange way his tenacity and tone of voice made me feel more confidant about his commitment to me and our marriage than I have felt in a very long time.  I found it attractive.  Which is a HUGE step!  To be honest I’ve struggled to feel attracted to him since D-day.  I’ve noticed little things here and there that I find unattractive now…and that has bothered me.  I want to be attracted to him.  But, I just haven’t been.  So – that was huge.

Although then when my morning text came from him, I again found it all to easy to just ignore the message.  Finally after the third message I replied.

Why is it I can look back on our conversation, hear his words, his tone, see his body language and feel warm again…but then when he texts me I feel blah?  Well…maybe it’s a start.

I’ve mentioned before that while hubby and S work in the same place, they work different hours.  Two days a week she is leaving work and he is going in to work.  They used to enter and exit from the same doors, as they both parked on the same side of the building.  I’ve just assumed that for the past year they’ve been crossing paths, and although it bothered me slightly it wasn’t enough to cause a fuss about.  Anyway, I did find out from hubby that she now parks on the other side of the building – which means she is walking out the back door as he is walking in the front.  That actually made me feel pretty good.  I’m starting to think that with all these changes (parking in the back, not changing to the more desirable job, new vehicle, using the back entrance to our subdivision, etc…) that she knows what she did and may actually feel some shame for it.  I guess in the long run it doesn’t really matter and it probably shouldn’t make me feel any better


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