March 1997 – February 2014
In March 1997 we stood before God, our pastor, our families and our friends and promised to love one another, to cherish and honor each other and forsake all others until death parted us.
In May of 2012 that promise was broken for the first time. It was broken again the end of 2013 and beginning of 2014.
So today, I remember the marriage I had. I mourn the loss of what I thought was true and future I dreamed of having.
- knowing I was the only woman in body and in heart ever had by my husband
- the security I felt
- “knowing” I was the loved and cherished
- friendship I knew by being married to my best friend
- the simplicity of everyday life
- our song – which is now empty words
- the beautiful love story in wedding rings – now broken promises
- the beauty of marriage
- the feeling of love and passion
- our dreams of the future
Our future was bright.
You wanted us to get married young so we could celebrate 50 years. But 50 years seems so hollow now; so meaningless. It’s just a measure of time ticked off the clock; not a measure of love poured out.
- our children will never be able to say ‘our father was faithful to our mother all those years’
- I wonder if I’ll ever feel ‘safe’ again
- I wonder if I’ll ever feel loved again
- I wonder if I’ll ever love again
- I miss having a song and pure memories of the last 20 years
- I miss knowing I was enough
So I bury the old marriage and the dreams I had of what we were going to be.
I celebrate the beauty of what was, murdered in its prime.
And I resolve to wake up tomorrow and enjoy the life God has given me.
I’ll never forget what we had. Thanks for the memories.
“There are moments which mark your life. Moments when you realize nothing will ever be the same and time is divided into two parts – before this and after this.” ~Fallen