Break from Reality

So, here’s a new situation…and I’m partly talking out loud to figure this out and partly curious to see what your thoughts are on this.

The kids have fall break in a couple of weeks.  This year the kids have a week off school.  That’s a first.  Usually it’s just 2 days (4 if you count the weekend).  The kids have activities on both of the weekends, so that limits our options, but we still have 5 days to do something.

I’ve thought of a trip 3-5 hours away.  Camping.  In Michigan, Missouri, or Kentucky.

Hub is wanting to drive to Disney World.  20+ hours away.  And not only is he wanting to drive to Disney World…he seems set on the idea.

Why?

About 4 years ago we flew to Disney World for a whirlwind 3 day trip.  It was exhausting, but fun.  Hub was sick, but even he had fun.  And the grown “macho” man who doesn’t show much excitement said “I want to go back someday!”

The next vacation was just he & I to celebrate our anniversary in Vegas.  Two months later he cheated.

A year later we went back to Florida as a family.  It was a nice trip, but difficult.  He was distant.  I didn’t know why.

Ten months later I finally knew why.

Since then we have gone to Chicago as a couple (for 1 night – that was a horrible joke), South Carolina as a family (nice, but emotional since it was just 2 months after D-day), and Utah (nice, but difficult since less than a week before we left I found out I have HPV due to his affairs and would need a biopsy).

I can’t help but think he is wanting to go back to the last place we were the happiest as a family.  Maybe to build upon those happy times.  Or maybe to see if we can be happy again…knowing we were happy then.  Maybe he is wanting to give us the gift of an untainted trip.  Genuinely happy memories.  Or maybe he just wants to escape reality and that seems like the perfect place.

I don’t feel like we have finances to do that kind of trip right now, and I have expressed that, but I he just seems intent on making it happen.

*****In other news…Stacey put in for a transfer a couple of weeks ago.  Hub saw her name on the transfer list.  I’m not sure if she got it.  I don’t ask about her.

After hub told me he saw her name on the transfer list I realized how many things she has changed in her life in the last 2 years (since the day I let her know I now know about the affair).  In the last two years she (mostly) enters and exits from the back of the subdivision (occasionally I see her enter through the front – but it is rare); she rarely visits her mother (who lives a few houses down from me – she used to visit her almost every day); she bought a new truck (first she removed the multiple decals from her other vehicle…about 6 months later she bought a truck); she has put in for transfers to other shifts and departments at work (she has more seniority than my hub…she could easily work any shift or department she wants and she has left the “easy” departments and shifts where my husband is – I’m guessing to get away from him); she takes a different (and longer) route home from work than she used to.  Has she changed these behaviors because of the affair?  Because of her shame or guilt?  To ease my pain?  To ease her’s?  Or just because they were changes she wanted to make?  I don’t know.  I don’t know that it even matters really.  But I noticed the changes.

******Also, one week from today I go back to the doctor for my 3 month check since my procedure to remove the precancerous cells.  They will retest me & we will know the results a couple of weeks after.  I guess we will know by the end of the month if the procedure worked.

I still wish I would have meant more to my husband.  If not our marriage, at least my physical health.  After all, whether married or not I would always be the mother of his children.  I would be the one raising his children.  I will always need my health.

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