Now What?

Those of you who have followed my (seemingly never-ending) journey, know I had a follow-up doctor appointment last week to see if the procedure to remove the precancerous cells worked.  For those of you who are new:

The results came back.  It didn’t work.  Today I will talk to the doctor to discuss my options.

Hub didn’t say anything last night (other than wondering why they would tell me that news yesterday, but then I can’t discuss anything with the doctor until today).

I’m not angry.  I’m not sad.  I’m not even worried.

I’m tired.

Emotionally, mentally & physically tired.

His affairs won’t go away.

They are always in my face.  (And other body parts…ok…not funny – I’m trying.)

Not only can I not seem to heal mentally & emotionally, but now I also can’t seem to heal physically.

And the kicker is he doesn’t have to deal with this.  He did this, yet I’m suffering for it.  I was at home, raising our two children, working full-time, and trying to take care of him because I thought he was having some sort of mental breakdown.  Never dreaming for one second he was diddling someone else.

Oh, sure – he goes to most of my appointments with me, but ultimately it’s me with my feet in the stirrups, being poked and prodded.  At any time, he could get in his truck and drive down the street to be with S…or to Maryland to be with M…or anyone else on earth, and I’m still going to be here dealing with it.  Either way – it’s for me to deal with.

I hope they (S & M) were worth it to him.




6 thoughts on “Now What?

  1. I can sympathize. It is so incredibly unfair to us. I am in a similar situation, in that I am dealing with effects from having been given Herpes by my ex. He’s fine. I’m sick. I just discovered your blog. I’m relatively new and have received some comfort from reading about others’ experiences. I sure am pulling for you.

    Liked by 1 person

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