For those of you who are fairly new here, you may not be aware of the health issues hubs affairs have caused me.
Early last month I was scheduled for another test.
About a week before my test I had a complete melt-down. I laid in bed one Friday night and sobbed. I was fearing the worst; hoping for the best.
Struggling with my (still) new reality.
My life now consists of going to the doctor a minimum of every 4 months; sometimes as much as every 3 weeks.
Because of my husband.
I didn’t make this choice. I wasn’t even the one stupid enough to do this. But, I’m the one that has to deal with it.
He listened to me cry.
And then he said, “I’m going through it with you. And I live with the guilt of knowing I did this to you.”
I know what he’s saying.
But, that’s not the reality of the situation.
So, I told him.
“But, see, you’re not. This is my body. Not yours. The reality of it is, you can walk out the door tomorrow. And I’m still here, living this. Day in & day out. Doctor’s appointments & procedures…it’s me that has to do this. With or without you.”
Does he understand?
Will he ever?
He made choices for me.
Choices I would have never made for myself.
So, I went back to the doctor for another test.
The results came back about 3 weeks ago.
Still no changes.
I was so hopeful that this time the test would come back clear.
I was so hopeful that they (the women) would finally be out of my body.
So, I wait for re-test #3 in early June.