The Struggle is Real

You guys.

Seriously.

I’m struggling.

HARD.

It’s been over 2 years.

Why am I still struggling so much?

Here’s the deal:

We text ok a couple times during the day.  Nice little kissy faces and what-not.

Then we get home.

Boom.

Nothing.

Barely speak.

No touching.

ZIP.  ZELCH.  ZERO.

When he does speak to me he is bitey.  (Is that a word?)

And me?  I get bitey back.

I’ve also started to wonder where his loyalty lies?

Case in point: last night I took my daughter to her sports physical.  Around here the sports physicals for the next school year are done in May at a local school, and are free.  So, I took her.  The nurse heard something wonky with her heart.  Stopped the physical and told her to make an appointment with her doctor.

So we get home and I tell my husband.

NOTHING.

NO words.

I ask him what is wrong.  He gets bitey with me “What am I doing now to make you think something is wrong?”.

My reply?

No words.  Went to sleep.

This morning I get a text from him “are you going to call the doctor for her today?  I can take her if you make it for my day off.  Should she be doing sports?”

I text him back and told him she probably has what I have (or something similar).  No big deal.

He says “I don’t want her being one of these kids that drops over dead while playing sports.”

I replied “I run”.

So, are you telling me you are worried about our daughter’s heart, but not mine?  (Am I reading too much in to this?)

What happened?

Seriously.  For about the first year after D-day, things were going fairly well…all things considered.

Now…this.

What gives?

Yes.  The struggle is real.

~RH

 

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8 thoughts on “The Struggle is Real

  1. You communicate better use texting than in-person. That is interesting but frustrating. The care is there…he listens…but does not respond when physically with you. How come?
    What happens when you touch him? will he respond positively?
    Two years may seem a long time but it is not…many couples struggle for years and also those who split up…the struggles are there anyway.
    Don’t give up…show that you care and want a deeper connection in-person!
    Take care,
    E

    Liked by 1 person

    1. When I touch him I get no response from him at all. I literally get the same response as if I am not touching him. So, to me feels like rejection…of which I prefer not to have. So, I don’t touch him. I have tried to tell him I NEED touch. He either doesn’t get it or doesn’t care.
      Two years does seem like a long time. I suppose you are correct though – after something as earth shaking as affairs – two years is just a drop in the bucket. And yes – I suppose the struggle would be there anyway. Thanks. I’ll keep on keeping on.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Is this a consistent things now, or just a rough patch you’re both going through?

    I think it’s ok for you and him to struggle – but what important is that you are able to struggle through this together. And from this post, it seems like you’re no longer on the same team.

    Instead, it just sounds like he’s shutting you out again, whatever his reasons may be. Two years may seem like a long time, but the recovery from infidelity is life long. Not in the sense that you should feel guilty and angry everyday. But to love each other consciously everyday. And with the history of an affair, love is shown through the ramifications of the affair – e.g. you needing to continually show grace, and him continually to show patience and understanding.

    Perhaps time as well as him feeling tired has made him forget. I’m not talking about what he’s done, the shame and guilt of it. But maybe he’s forgotten to be thankfull. To appreciate the fact your family is intact, that despite everything he’s done you’re still here struggling everyday, to appreciate the grace that was given to him… While moving forward from an affair means to put the bitterness, anger, shame, and guilt behind, being thankful everyday is something that should be with you forever don’t you think? Especially for the betrayer that was shown kindness and grace – to not take any of this for granted, and to work to love harder every day.

    Liked by 1 person

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