Maybe it’s that I’m 2 months from 40.
Maybe it’s that I’ve lost and gained back several pounds over the past 2 years.
Maybe it’s that I’m busy carting kids & sitting on bleachers instead of running and working out like I used to.
But whatever it is, I look different.
And I don’t like it.
Some would say “you can change it”. I’m sure I could.
The bottom line is I’m not interested in getting up at 4a.m. So, maybe I’m not unsatisfied enough with the way I look.
My self-esteem took a hit after D-day anyway. I don’t think it’s ever recovered.
My formerly flat, tight belly now resembles my 14 year ago post-pregnancy belly. It’s soft and squishy. Stark white. Ugly. Stretched out belly button. Ugh.
I haven’t gained any weight in the last year. I’m not technically over weight. But somehow this change has taken place.
I feel uncomfortable in my own skin.
But to be honest – I haven’t felt comfortable with any aspect of myself since D-day. I’m trying to figure out who I am. I lost who I was. I changed. I’m still changing. Now I’m trying to figure out what I look like.
Do we ever reach a point where we find ourselves and are happy with who we find at the end of this?